Female Orgasm

A Blog where people can share information and resources about the female orgasm, how to achieve female orgasm, multiple female orgasm and female orgasm technique

Thursday, September 21, 2006

How Erotica Helped Us Overcome Our Lovemaking Problems

Your soul mate might be your perfect match in almost every sense, but do your lovemaking sessions always live up to your expectations? I mean, do you prefer to make love in the evening and your partner is a morning riser, so to speak? Learn how one couple found that erotica books and erotic short story books helped them "get it on".

Choosing between a night time romp and a morning quickie may seem like an either or situation if your life does not allow you the luxury to do both, but if you are trying to negotiate how to share out your lovemaking sessions between AM and PM, you will find that you are barking up the wrong tree.

But the solution to your sexual frustration is far easier than you think.

"We never seemed to take the time to be together just as the two of us" says Rachel, a full time housewife living outside London with her partner Henry and their two children. "It was always a matter of getting the sex out of the way so we could go to sleep, but Henry is keenest in the mornings which was a problem even before we had kids."

Henry says, "It wasn't really the reflex erection that triggered it off for me, but having sex as I woke up just put me in a good mood. The evening after a bad day at work was not an ideal time for me to have sex. my mind would just not be in it."

The solution came in the form of an erotic book Rachel bought off Amazon.

"It turned me on actually, when I found out she had been reading the book, but it helped us even more because it made us more comfortable to talk about our sex lives. It was easier to refer to the book and say what do you think of this story?" laughs Henry

Rachel agrees. "We could be more open with each other and spoke more freely about things. I didn't know for instance that a quick nookie in the morning would mean so much to Henry. The first time I woke him up with a blow job he came home from work with a huge smile still on his face and his arms full of flowers. And later that evening he made real effort to return the favour."

Working out a schedule for sex around kids, housework and other chores can be a tricky business and what finally made it work for Rachel and Henry was a very simple solution.

"We came up with a slight spin on a technique we found on a relationship website, and we called it a mutual appreciation evening." Rachel explains

They set aside one evening a week when, after they had put the kids to bed, they would first plan the next weeks chores, take up any grievances they had with each other as well as things they would like to thank the other for.

"We'd then move on to the "mutual appreciation" by taking a bath - even together if we felt like it, but usually on our own just to have a bit of space between the formal planning stuff and the sexy stuff".

Rachel continues, "Then we'd either get some wine or warm milk or something, depending on the mood, and find somewhere comfortable, anywhere in the house. Usually, if Henry has the bathroom first he'd use the time when I'm in there to put out some candles, music or something to set the mood but it's only as something extra once in a while.

"Most of the time we'll start off with a massage or just sitting opposite each other naked and talk, hug and stroke each other and so on."

"You know, the odd thing is" says Henry, "we may not always have sex that evening. I would say we end up going to bed cuddling more often than having sex, but because we have taken the time to appreciate each other, sex seems to happen more often on the other days."

"I think it is because we no longer think of sex as a chore," agrees Rachel. "We have dedicated two to three hours a week to spend quality time with each other, and because of that we seem to be able to deal with the chores better for the rest of the week."

So if you can't work out if you have the time or inclination for a night time nookie or a morning quickie, the solution is to make time to plan your family time and set aside some regular special time with your loved one.

And if you're lucky, you'll get both!

About The Author

Bettina Varese is a writer of erotic fiction and has published 4 paperback titles and one hardback book with http://www.collectivepublishing.co.uk/

Her books can be found in major UK book chains and in Canada. They are also available online. Bettina Varese has her own erotica website at http://www.bettinavarese.com

Her 5th paperback, "Erotica 5: Bettina Can't Help It!" is published by collective publishing on the 15th of March 2005

Monday, July 31, 2006

Health benefits of the female orgasm

by Scott Bowden

Orgasm is the crowning of a successful and highly pleasurable session of sex. It puts a smile on the lips of satisfied women and makes men walk with a swagger. It's the biggest little thing in the world and the crucial detail and the end of a delightful exertion. Life without orgasms is simply not possible.

But orgasm is not limited in scope to making one (or two) people feel good for five or ten minutes before falling asleep. Science has shown that frequent sex and orgasms are very important to the general well-being and health of every person. The more frequent the orgasm, the better off that person is going to be on both the physical and psychological planes.

Everyday life is bound to result in some nervous tensions for most people as the troubles of jobs and relationships take their toll on the mental balance. Sex and orgasms are a chance for these tensions to join the psychological and physical build-up and release. Thus, the mind uses orgasm to flush the tensions out of the system and replace them with the delicious relaxation of that comes with pleasure.

The best thing to do after disentangling from the tender embrace is, of course, to slide into sleep. The combined exertion of sex and relaxation brought by orgasm is the perfect replacement for any sleeping pill. Instead of reaching out for the bottle of pills, you would be better off reaching out for the man lying in bed next to you or for your favorite sex toy. It's a perfectly natural solution that we heartily recommend.

Don't let headaches get in the way. What men don't realize is that headaches are many times a woman's way of saying "You have to try harder". The pleasure brought by orgasm is the result of a discharge of endorphins into the brain. No headache can survive the attack of pleasure flooding the brain and the calming effect it has.

Aside from releasing endorphins into the brain sexual stimulation also activates the production of phenethylamine, an amphetamine secreted by the body which is thought to play a role in the regulation of appetite. Of course, sex is not meant to replace dieting, but it seems to go some way toward helping you rein in those food cravings and it does burn some calories. In fact, sex burns a bit more calories per minute than tennis.

The number of scientific studies showing that frequent orgasms are good for one's health is testimony to the important role played by a successful sex life in the physical and mental health of all men and women. Aside from the fact that increased heart rate and heavy breathing keep the circulatory system in shape and make oxygen circulate through the body, sex has other benefits.

A study published in Psychosomatic Medicine in 1976 showed that failure to reach orgasm has a negative impact on the cardiovascular health of women. Doctor Winnifred Cutler, a specialist in endocrinology, found that women who have sex at least once a week are more likely to have normal menstrual cycles and higher levels of estrogen in their blood. Healthy levels of estrogen help keep the cardiovascular system in shape, fight cholesterol and keep the skin supple.

This is why we recommend the Ultimate Sex Guide. This one-stop guide to more pleasure than ever before is packed with new positions, tricks and tips that will banish boredom and routine from your relationship. Bring back the spark and make it turn into a flame with the help of new information. More pleasure means a healthier life for you and your partner.

About the Author
For more information, advice and guides relating to sexual health matters we would recommend visiting The Ultimate Sex Guide

Friday, July 21, 2006

So Where Do You Start

Sex therapists will tell you that most of the people they advise start off with a remarkable level of ignorance about matters sexual. In some groups, even today in the 21st Century, sex is regarded as being for the purpose of procreation only. But we know that the human body and mind are structured to make sex one of the greatest pleasures life can offer.

Today we understand that good sex forges and strengthens the bond between woman and partner that is at the heart of the family. More than that, sexual orgasm is vitally important for the physical and mental health of both women and men.

Sexual problems can form a vicious circle. If the sex isn’t good the relationship suffers and the sex gets worse. Modern work-centered life styles get in the way too. One partner blames the other and the problem gets worse, etc. etc.

The word ‘partnership’ is critical here. Sure you can make love to yourself but we are concerned about sex between two people who contribute equally so this book is written for men as well as women.

I guess you wouldn’t be reading this book if you didn’t feel there was some improvement to make. Maybe you feel sexually inadequate. Well there’s no sin in that. The whole commercial world conspires to make us all feel inadequate; the advertisements for beauty products that use teen models that don’t need them; products that ‘reduce the appearance of wrinkles’ demonstrated on women who don’t have any; the diet products advertised by women who appear anorexic; and so on.

Just be who you are, live your own life and fulfill your own potential – never ever give up – particularly on your sex life. Talk about your sex with your partner and if you ever feel there’s something wrong – something physical that’s stopping you achieving orgasm – go see your medical advisor.

Remember, communication is critical. You have to be able to discuss these issues freely and openly with your partner.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The G-Spot

The Gräfenberg spot, or G-spot, is a small area in the genital area of women behind the pubic bone and surrounding the urethra. It is named after a German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg. It is the same as, or part of, the urethral sponge, the site of Skene's glands. While once believed to be nothing more than a dense collection of nerve endings more recent scientific evidence has shown that the G-spot is the "female prostate." It is located on the top side of the vagina, about half way between the pubic bone and cervix, when a female is lying down on her back. When this spot is stroked, there is a sensation or urge to urinate, but if the stroking is continued during sexual arousal it can be sexually pleasurable for females (Shibley Hyde, J. and DeLamater, J.D., Understanding Human Sexuality, Eighth Edition (2003)). It is reported to consist of a system of glands (Skene's glands) and ducts that surround the urethra (Heath, 1984). Some authors write that you must press "deeply" into the tissue with two fingers to reach it with any effectiveness. The significance of the G-spot is that some women report that it is a highly sensitive area that under the right conditions can be very pleasurable if stimulated. For some women, it can be a primary source of stimulation leading to orgasm during intercourse while having sex in positions that use the penis to stimulate the frontal wall of the vagina. Other women report no particular stimulation, and some say that it feels as if they need to urinate.

Stimulation of the G-spot (through the front wall of the vagina) promotes a more vigorous and satisfying orgasm, and is possibly the cause of female ejaculation from the Skene's glands, contained in the urethral sponge. Such stimulation requires a somewhat opposite thrust to that required to obtain maximal clitoral stimulation via the penis, and is often referred to in the vernacular as "riding high".

The G-spot may not be just one discrete spot. Natalie Angier contends that it is merely the deep nerves of the clitoris as they pass through the tissue to connect with the spinal column. The clitoris has deep roots and may in fact change in size and slightly change in location as hormone levels fluctuate throughout a woman's life.

The shape of the penis determines which sexual positions best reach the G-spot. For instance, in missionary position intercourse, a penis that curves upward has a natural ability to exert more pressure on the front wall of the vagina. A man whose penis is uncurved or curves downward may find the doggy style position more suitable for stimulating the G-spot as the curve works against the front wall.

Stimulation of the G-spot through the use of a finger or tongue is possible through the combined pressure of pushing down on the clitoris while arcing the tongue or finger upwards in a beckoning motion. The finger or tongue must be approximately 1-3 inches (2.54-7.62 cm) inside the vagina for this to work. However, different individuals require different forms of stimulation.

The term 'G-spot' is also used by analogy as a slang term for the prostate gland in men, which may be stimulated through anal play or by pressing on the perineum (skin directly beneath the scrotum).

Monday, June 26, 2006

Facts About A Vaginal Orgasm

As you may know, this type of orgasm was the only type Freud and other men of his time felt to be legitimate types of sexual pleasure for women to experience. Unfortunately for women, only about 20% can receive an orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. The other 80% need something a little extra.

Before we get into that, let me explain exactly what we mean by vaginal orgasm. A vaginal orgasm occurs solely because of stimulation of the vagina. That stimulation is usually in the form of the thrusting of the male penis during vaginal intercourse.

The reason most women do not receive an orgasm just from penetration is that the vagina is not a highly sensitive area. This is actually a good thing. Remember that the vagina is not just used for sex but also for delivering babies. If the inside walls of the vagina were made up of concentrated nerve endings like we find in the nipple, the clitoris, or the penis, then childbirth would be even more difficult for women.

In fact, only the first two inches of the vagina are sensitive at all.

So why do some women have orgasms solely from vaginal stimulation? The answer is they probably aren't. Women who report vaginal orgasms benefit from their anatomy. In some women, the labia minora are formed in such a way that vaginal penetration actually causes the labia to rub against or gently pull on the clitoris. This, not vaginal stimulation, is leading to the orgasm in most cases. Technically, however, this would still be considered a vaginal orgasm because there is not direct stimulation of the clitoris.

Another reason why some women report having vaginal orgasms is that the shape of the penis and their preferred position allow for stimulation of the G-spot. Because the G-spot is linked to increased pleasure and may also induce orgasms, this is another possibility worth considering.

The bottom line here though is that vaginal orgasms are not common. Men and women need to realize that penetration is often not going to be enough to accomplish the goal.

Gabrielle Moore is author of “The Female Orgasm Revealed”
My Female Orgasm

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Female Ejaculation: It's Time For The Truth!

By Dr Irene Cooper

I hear you ask, ‘Female ejaculation? What’s ‘female ejaculation’? They never taught me anything about female ejaculation at school.’

Even if you received some sex education in school it’s a certainty that you were never told about female ejaculation!

If your experience of formal sex education was anything like mine, then you probably found out later that a lot of the more basic information was missing, never mind something as controversial as this!

Were you like the girls in my class? We were told about the male and female reproductive organs and how a fertilised egg grows into a baby. It was with some reluctance and embarrassment that the teacher told us that men produced sperm - but didn't say how. Sexual intercourse itself wasn’t explained or described and just how the sperm got to the egg was left to our imagination.

Male ejaculation wasn’t described. There was nothing about the pleasure that men and women felt during sex; nothing about the increased arousal culminating in the rhythmic pumping of semen into the vagina during the male orgasm. (The word orgasm was never used.) None of us, probably including the teacher, had any idea that there was such a thing as a female orgasm so, naturally, that didn’t get a mention. I spent years believing that women put up with having sex just to have children and to keep their lustful husbands satisfied. Having sex was just part of a woman’s wifely duties along with doing the washing and the cooking. (We are talking about a lot of years ago!) There was no clue to be found anywhere that women could actually enjoy it.

If none of us were even taught about the female orgasm it’s not surprising that we still know absolutely nothing at all about the possibility of female ejaculation. Most adults have never heard of female ejaculation and most of those who have don’t believe it really happens.

So what's the truth about female ejaculation?
There’s a whole load of total nonsense talked about it (mainly by people who are trying to sell you something) and separating the facts from the fiction we’re bombarded with from the porn peddlers isn’t easy.

First of all, we’re not talking about pints of liquid being squirted out. Don’t confuse this with the ‘party trick’ stuff you can see in pornographic (squirting) movies.

Female ejaculate (when there is any at all) isn’t naturally propelled with great pressure, as is the case with semen.

In the same way that a female orgasm isn’t necessary every time you have sex, there’s nothing wrong with you if you’ve never experienced a so-called female ejaculation. There's no great mystery to it. Any woman can produce the same effect providing she doesn't mind making her partner and the bed they're lying on very wet.

It has nothing to do with your ability to conceive or to enjoy sex.

The reason only a small percentage of women have experienced it is that most of us have been brought up to be reluctant about relaxing control of our bladder anywhere other than in the bathroom...and, yes, 95% of any fluid released when a woman reaches her orgasm comes from her bladder.

Female ejaculation comes from the urethra not the vagina.
If we discount the vaginal lubrication that commonly occurs during sexual arousal, the vast majority of any liquid that’s produced during the female orgasm is produced in the bladder and expelled through the urethra. Immediately, that makes it sound as if we’re simply talking about women losing control and urinating at the moment of orgasm. However, scientific tests conducted by Dr. Gary Schubeck Ed. D. A.C.S. have shown that this fluid is not altogether urine. Levels of urea and creatinene in the ejaculate of the women in the test were much lower than in the samples taken from their urine before the tests began.

Besides the ‘de-urinated’ fluid that comes from the bladder, some women can sometimes produce a small amount of milky discharge from the Skenes glands. These glands are the female equivalent of the prostate gland in men and with continued stimulation they may produce a fluid that can come out through the urethra during a woman's orgasm.

The Skenes glands were named after the physician who first described them, Alexander Skene, and are also known as the paraurethral glands. They’re found on the upper wall of the vagina in the area known as the G-spot. This whole general area is known as the urethral sponge and stimulation causes it to swell with blood in the same way that a penis becomes erect. Because these glands drain into the urethra there is a similarity here with the way that men urinate and ejaculate through the same opening.

Most of us would be mortified at 'having an accident' in public. Losing bodily fluids in an uncontrolled way is what elderly, incontinent people do; it's definitely not what we do. So, when in the past, women have lost control of their bladder during sexual intercourse it's been acutely embarrassing for them - and for their unsuspecting partners too!

For those of you who want to experiment, my advice is that you first find out what it feels like on your own; preferably in the bath. Empty your bladder before you start. The new fluid that's generated in your bladder during sexual arousal should be released as you reach your orgasm. Remember that most women either haven't ever tried this or have found it doesn't work for them, so don't expect too much. If you find that you experience a pleasurable result you may want to let your sexual partners know about it. Don't be surprised, however, if they aren't too excited about your love-making being a lot wetter than it normally is. Be aware that it could prove to be a massive sexual turn-off for both of you.

Irene Cooper is the author of My Female Orgasm

Friday, June 16, 2006

Got Orgasm?

It’s a sad fact that, in these modern times, somewhere between 10% and 20% of adult women have never experienced an orgasm, and as many as 50% of women don’t orgasm during sex. Sexual and sensual education have advanced to where we now understand much more about the female orgasm, such as the fact that women have two completely different places they can stimulate in order to bring themselves to full satisfaction. Since the vibrator was specifically created to allow women to experience orgasms, it remains the best tool for women to discover what they enjoy, and what stimulates them in the best way to achieve the ultimate O.

The first step, of course, is acquiring a vibrator. Most “adult stores” are pretty cheesy and uncomfortable for women to shop in, which is why the internet is such a popular medium for adult toy shopping. Look at the pictures, read about the materials, and choose something you find attractive and that looks fun. This is the first step on a wonderful journey, so enjoy it!

To have the best experience with your vibrator, give yourself some time with it. Before you even switch it on, get relaxed and turned on. Take a long bubble bath, read an erotic story, get yourself in the mood. For most women, orgasms are as much psychological as they are physiological. If your mind isn't in the right place, your body won't be either.

Get comfortable on your bed, on a rug in front of your fireplace, or just stay in the tub if you’ve purchased a waterproof vibe. Relax, start slow, and get to know your vibrator and your body. Touch different parts of your genitals with your vibrator. Discover what feels good, then keep doing it. Let your arousal build and let nature take its course.

There really isn't any "right" way to use a vibrator or to bring yourself to orgasm. The most important thing to remember is that a vibrator is a tool to help you stimulate yourself; while it can help you reach a climax, it's not an instant orgasm machine. You control it and use it in the way that feels best to you.

Experiment with your vibrator, try its different features, and apply it to different areas of your body to see what the sensations are like. Most women respond to clitoral stimulation, but you may prefer more or less intensity, or more or less direct stimulation. The labia and vulva are also sensitive.

If your vibrator is insertable, give that a try. Some women find penetration and vibration inside the vagina very pleasurable. A vibrator is the best tool you can use to find and stimulate your G-spot. This little node of pleasure is on the front wall of your vagina, a couple of inches in. It can take a few tries to find this spot, and not everyone who finds it actually likes it because of how sensitive it can be. Some women can't find it at all. All of these things are normal, so you just have to see what works for you.

Many women need clitoral rather than vaginal stimulation to actually bring them to orgasm, so if vaginal penetration with your vibrator isn't getting you anywhere, go back to using the vibrator on your clitoris. One technique you can use with a smooth insertable vibrator is to place the tip against your clitoris, then slide the shaft down between your labia, insert the vibrator and slide it into your vagina, and then bring it back up in a reverse stroke, sliding along the clitoris again on the way up.

Once you discover what feels good, keep doing it, relax, and let your arousal build. If you find that the vibrator brings you to the point of climaxing too quickly, back off and try a less intense form of stimulation, or even use your hand for a while and go back to the vibrator. You’ll find that, like many things, the more you practice achieving orgasm, the easier it’ll become.

Learning how to orgasm during sex is whole different thing. One of the best things you can do is simply to masturbate often and keep all of your sexual organs in good shape. Masturbation helps your body to establish a habit of orgasming - if you can bring yourself to orgasm every time you get turned on, your body learns how to get there more easily when you're having sex with someone else.

Easy, practical things you can do to help your body are drinking lots of water and avoiding alcohol to keep everything downstairs healthy and lubricated. Do your Kegels – these exercises tone and tighten the muscles you use during sex, heightening the sensations you experience during sex. A set of Smartballs (an updated, silicone-coated version of Ben Wa balls) are a really easy, comfortable way to keep your PC muscles in shape.

If you are like most women, and you orgasm from clitoral stimulation, there are a hundred toys out there that are designed to stimulate your clitoris during sex. Probably the easiest to use are vibrating penis-rings, which your partner wears around his penis and has an attachment where you can insert a vibrating bullet. Another fun toy you can use during sex is a strap-on clitoral stimulator such a butterfly-style vibrator. Elastic straps around the waist and/or thighs hold a small vibrator in place while you make love. One of the more unique toys of this nature is the Vibrating Lover’s Thong, which not only vibrates on your clitoris, but has a double row of beads that stimulate your lover as he moves in and out.

Technology and research have opened up a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to female orgasms. Take advantage of what’s available, and you may find yourself fulfilled in ways you never imagined possible.

Lance Russell is the author of the book "Recipes for Better Sex: 75 Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life."